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Horoscopes: what the stars have in store for men in 2013
Victor Watts Rex Features
Predicting the future is a tricky business. After all, weather forecasts only tell you the rain or shine for the next five days and often get it wrong, and has a psychic ever won the lottery? Oh, and what was all that fuss about 21 December and the Mayan doomsday again?
Happily, there’s one tried and tested method that has stood the test of time and that we at MSN Him are 100% convinced can accurately predict the future, at least for the next 12 months.
So without further ado, here’s what going to be happening to men in 2013, because your star sign never lies.
Love and sex in 2013
Woah fellers! It looks like 2013 is going to be a steamy year in the bedroom, and that’s true whether you’re Aries or Aquarius. Apparently there’s going to be a lot of Venus and Mars action in 2013, with Mars in the ascendancy.
What does that mean in the real world? Well, probably nothing, but if you believe the astrologers then Venus is associated with romance and love and Mars with sex and seduction. Mars is the more masculine planet (it’s where men are from, after all) so its prominence this year is a good thing for your chances in the bedroom.
As for individual star signs, well let us tell you without a hint of doubt that Geminis are likely to meet someone special at work, and possibly enjoy a 'steamy clinch'. Cancers will get lucky in November, while Leo men will only have to wait till February. According to the ever reliable Daily Star, Virgos will lose their heart in November too, which means it’s looking like November will be the big month for love and sex in 2013.
And what about you Sagittarius? Well, according to top star worrier Patrick Arundell, February finds your “inner voice urging you to be more emotional or more open to the potential of settling down”. The Daily Star reckons Scorpios will have “scored a goal” by mid-July. We’re not entirely sure what that means, but it sounds good.
But lets move briefly away from astrology and into the equally reliable world of feng shui. Top feng shui consultant Rodika Tchi says that, “if you decide to strengthen the energy of love with traditional feng shui cures, the best ones of course are the Double Happiness Sign, the Dragon & Phoenix and the Mandarin Ducks.” We hope that’s clear.
Will you find love in 2013? The stars are hopeful
Work and money in 2013
We may be tottering on the precipice of a triple-dip recession, but forget all that because the stars say your luck is in!
No really. According to Horoscope.com, you may feel luckier this year than in previous years, and that’s particularly true in the realm of work and business.
If your astrological sign is an air sign (Gemini, Libra and Aquarius), you have got it made in 2013. That’s because (to keep it simple), “the start of the year puts Jupiter, planet of success and good fortune, in lofty Gemini, high in the sky, forming a sextile with Uranus, the planet of luck, in fiery Aries... a truly lucky combination for you.”
A combination of good fortune, luck and success sound like pretty good omens to us too. The earth signs, meanwhile (Taurus, Virgo and Capricorn), benefit from the prominence of Pluto, which as luck would have it is the planet of wealth. The downside to all this, according to Horoscope.com, is that those of you born under one of these zodiac signs will have to work hard for Pluto’s rewards.
So work harder and do better, or work less and earn less. These planets could never be accused of stating the bleedin’ obvious, that’s for sure.
Will any of this apply to you Pisces? Hmm. When it comes to money Patrick Arundell says that, “Mars is in a volatile area as the year changes, and this forges a link with Uranus in your 2nd Solar House.” There’s also the “the restlessness of Uranus”. What does it all mean? Who knows! Except perhaps that, financially speaking, “growth is possible, but it may not be at breakneck speed.”
Can we at least credit the Daily Star for cutting through the vague mumbo jumbo with the trusty sword of specifics. It says that, if you’re an Aquarius, you should put in for a promotion on the 11th of May. Not the 12th, not the 10th, the 11th. You heard it here first folks (or actually here)!
Money worries? They may be over...
Health in 2013
Will you be healthy in 2013? As the norovirus sees you hunched over the toilet bowl for the sixth straight hour it may not seem like it, but the stars - ever the optimists! - tend to be in more hopeful mood for 2013.
Capricorns, get into those shorts. The Daily Star reckons that by June, “you’re getting fitter and drawing admirers”. Virgos, get into those pyjamas. Patrick Arundell reckons that this year you’ll need your beauty sleep more than ever.
Astrocamp.com is alarmingly specific when it comes to health. For the first three months of the year, Aries, it’s all about skin problems. Taurus, you’re going to feel great! Until April that is, after which you might have some gastric problems. Rather worryingly, you may also experience “breathing problems, heart-pain and anxiety [that] will disturb you in last months of this year.”
Let’s just say that Astrocamp.com, though refreshingly matter-of-fact, is not the astrology site for hypochondriacs, especially if they’re Geminis. The less we say about the possibility of those “minor heart-attacks” the better.
Take refuge in the Daily Star, Gemini, because in its more upbeat version of the year ahead you’re feeling “stronger and fitter” by the end of May.
Leo, 2013 is about “developing your emotional wellbeing”, but you need to be careful of your health on the 7th and 21st of August, and you may experience ear problems.
As for you fishy little Pisces, the second half of the year looks good, as Jupiter takes more prominence in your chart. Patrick Arundell says that this will leave you feeling livelier and more sociable. But the good news is tempered by the party poopers at Astrocamp.com, who reckon “boils and pimples over your face and body can weaken your charm.”
The stars say you can get healthy in 2013, but watch out for pimples
So that, in a nutshell, is 2013 for men. If you’re too cynical to believe us then we can only say that probably makes you a Capricorn.
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